i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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