I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
