I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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