you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
