Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
