On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
