The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
