The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
