My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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