im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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