I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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