he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
