My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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