I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
how drunk are you?
Several
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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