Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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