John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
