Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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