I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
