Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
