i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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