Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
