I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
