i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
