whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
