hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
