I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Farmville is her only friend.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
