the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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