there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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