this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize