gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
