I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
