dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
