Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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