NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
