Buhtt sex?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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