saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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