We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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