The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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