i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
