I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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