jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
