I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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