how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
