Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
