I can text with my tongue
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
