I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
