i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
