she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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