now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize