some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
