hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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