Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
