Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
