my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
