What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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