you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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