I feel like abortions should bother me more
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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