My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
