i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize