the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
