Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize