Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
