If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Floor bacon is actually really good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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