Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
