You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
