Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
