made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
