i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
MIDGETS
????
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
