just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
