wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
